Why It Feels So Hard to Make New Mom Friends

It feels like it should be easy to make mom friends, right? We all go to the same places: the playground, the library, the coffee shops. There are plenty of smiles from across the way and even some friendly chit-chat. But that leap to making a new, genuine friendship as an adult feels clunky. It can feel very tough to make a real mom friend, but what if it’s not that hard? What if it’s just different?

I’ve come to the conclusion after many failed attempts (and luckily, many successful, real friendships with other moms) that it’s a new set of rules we’re operating under. In our 20s and 30s, most of us probably haven’t made genuine friendships in a while. And those we did make? We met those friends at school, through hobbies and sports, and then through work. Now, in motherhood – or soon-to-be motherhood for our pregnant mamas – it’s a completely different ballpark. I haven't seen anyone else writing out the playbook, so as the founder of New Mama Goose, where it's our mission to help moms “find their flock,” I'm here to share what I've learned about making mom friends.

Understanding the New Landscape of Mom Friendships

Here's what I've realized: so many of us are craving connection, but we're also navigating an incredibly demanding time in our lives. This creates a unique landscape for forming new bonds and understanding how to meet other moms who also want to create real, genuine connections. 

Everyone's Dance Card is Full (Sometimes)!

Even if someone seems exactly like your vibe, I've learned they might genuinely not be in a friend-making head space. You could connect so naturally, but if they truly don't have the time to invest in a new friendship right now, it's just not a good fit. Perhaps they already have a strong village of friends and family, a high-needs child, or a highly demanding job. We all have seasons where our "dance card" is full, and that's okay. But as someone looking for a meaningful connection, don’t keep chasing that potential friend if you're not getting positive signals back early on. Move on, and know it’s not a reflection of your value as a friend or how cool you are. You are very cool, and someone else would be thrilled to be your friend! Believe that!

So, long story short: the shift into motherhood means our lives are completely different, and the way we make friends as an adult with kids is very different too. The built-in social structures we once relied on – classmates, colleagues, teammates – are often gone. We're left trying to forge connections in fragmented moments at the park or during a quick trip to the grocery store. It's a whole new world, and it can feel incredibly isolating, leading to what some call new mom loneliness.

But don't despair! Understanding these shifts is the first step. In Part 2 of this series, I'll share my actionable tips for breaking through the "acquaintance zone" and building those genuine mom friendships we all crave. Make sure you're following @NewMamaGoose on Instagram so you don't miss it!